your parents love me but you hate me
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
