I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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