I'm going to jail i love you
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
