If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
