i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
