Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
