Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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