oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
worst night to have a conscience
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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