Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
