i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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