hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
