oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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