Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
