Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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