please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
