Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
