I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
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