great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
