the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
