When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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