She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
