The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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