My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
