I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
