I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Randomize
