i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
