i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
