Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Randomize