Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
