Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
