Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
And then he peed in my hair
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
