You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
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