uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
