nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
