I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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