He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize