you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Do vagina's smell?
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
