the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
