never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Randomize
