whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize