life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
