dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Randomize
