White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
