Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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