How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Randomize
