At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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