If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
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