yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
