I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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