ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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