Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
