Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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