He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
