guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Randomize
