**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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