btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
