Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
