if i can run in heels then i can drive
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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