you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
