she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Randomize
