A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
