Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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