this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
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is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
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There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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