hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
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