This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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