This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Randomize
