So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
