RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
