I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
