I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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