Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Randomize
