Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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