My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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