Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Randomize
