he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
