Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
