her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
