he told me I talked like a deaf person
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
