I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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