I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
