yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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