Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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