i permit you to call me
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
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